Some thoughts are too dangerous for me to express even in an anonymous blog so I will write it code such that only I will know what it means for sure and have plausible deniability of someone takes a guess:

While the smoke was rising from the flipping burgers, I felt the monster pulling me towards that which no man should be subject to, yet is subject to nonetheless. Even writing metaphors or taking the time to think it through is crime of the mind that would be subject to maximum scrutiny if not for the ability to hide behind the incongruity between the world in my mind and the shared world outside. It was not even the single devil that did it, that I would acknowledge before even a second UDP packet came through. It was the other sight. The unexpected one. It's early.. it's way to early.. I expected it to be a factor but maybe in a couple of years but now? Objectively it makes sense, yet my fear expresses itself in hiding from the thoughts and outward reality.

I should stop writing, as any bandwidth spent on this is too much. Yet I need to think it through. Maybe its the early mustache factor that makes this happen, maybe its watching too many videos with numbers in the title (how did she understand that reference? maybe its part of korean culture). Or it is the countdown to becoming a magician that makes me age in reverse.

It wasn't really bad though.. it was weak. And the demon sight was self acked. So its not that bad... such cope. IT IS TOO EARLY. Or maybe I should say to late... idk idk. If I could just take a part of my mind and lock it with certainty that nothing from there will accidentally come out I could find the answer. I would have long conversations with you or with the italian or the sol.... FKK that is now leaked as well. I need to build some defenses. Layers of metaphors and aliases. Such that if I the thought comes up it will be the first layers will be exposed. The irony of my inability to remember coworkers names yet having an increasing list of mental aliases for them each capturing parts of my perception of their reality. Jieun is now part of the list of aliases. Jieun... I never understood them. They seem so smart and able to see through my social wall. If someone could extract my thoughts just by looking at me it would be Jieun.